Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
