We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
