Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
