I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
