my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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