You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
