No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
try to milk me bitch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
