If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
