dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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