he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
