Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
