I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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