doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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