god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
