I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
