Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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