hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
