The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
