i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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