also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
