so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
