You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
