i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
