Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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