it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
