they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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