He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
