I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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