I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
