Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
