New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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