just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
