This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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