Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
