i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
