I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
