pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
