Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
