upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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