I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
