I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
