i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
