Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
