wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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