R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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