Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
