erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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