Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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