I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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