a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
