its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am available for nakedness
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
