I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
