this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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