I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
