just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
