you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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