you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
