I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
