Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
