What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
