we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
