please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
