God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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