You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
