I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
