Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
