Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
