drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it hurts more in the daytime
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize