Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We have so much sex to catch up on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
