Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize