If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
