omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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