so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
