He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
